Laughter’s Black Tears
by yaoigirl22
Summary: When Mikey gets angry his family fear for thier lives.What can they do to smooth the savage rage that howls inside the youngest member?
1. Mikey's anger

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Laughter's Black Tears

Blank looks and emotionless blue eyes, Michelangelo was anger. Raph, Leo and Don sat at the dining table while they waited for their breakfast, each trying to remember what they said or did to upset their youngest. They each cringed when their food was placed in front of them , and Mikey sat down. Silence fell between them, eyes glancing occasionally at each other then the food wondering if it's poisoned, Mikey on the other hand was staring blankly at his food.

Don picked at his scrambled eggs before looking at the youngest member, he shivered in fear before looking back down, for he had good reasons to be afraid, because an anger Mikey was an unpredictable Mikey.

"You're not eating" all three heads looked up, Mikey was staring at them, face still blank, eyes still deprived of emotions. The three stared speechless, "You don't like it?" the air around immediately turned tense, "Uh no it's just that were waiting for it to cool is all" Leo said quickly " cool now" he then stuffed his food in his mouth, his two brothers following his example. Mikey went back down to staring at his food, Raph swallowed his food- planning to throw it back up later- and glanced at the orange clad turtle, becoming very weary with the way his caressed his fork.

The sound of cane tapping on the floor indicated Master Splinter's arrival, he took one look at his youngest's face and immediately knew what has caused the tense air.

_**BAM!**_

All four jumped, eyes turned to Mikey, where his fork was imbedded into the table, he had slammed the fork so hard that the table cracked. Everyone waited in anticipation and weariness for the young turtle's next move, they tensed when said turtle stood up from his seat and briskly left the lair saying a word to none, the forked still planted into the table.

***********

Later that night, everyone waited restlessly for Michelangelo's return. They tried to keep themselves busy, Leo reading his current favorite book, Raph was lounging on the couch trying to find something to watch, Don was in his lab trying to kept his hands busy and Splinter was in his room mediating.

The leader of the group sighed as he reread the same line for the twentieth time, he just could not focus, mind wondering back to his little brother. He did not know what his brother was angry at but he was thankful it wasn't them, for a long as he could remember Mikey as always been like this when he got angry, no one knew why and it befuddled them that the carefree and joyous of the four could have such a violent nature, it just didn't make any sense. The blue clad turtle shivered at the memory when they first learned of Mikey's …anger.

Flashback

"_I said I was sorry what more do you want?!" shock could no begin to described what Raph and Don felt right now, never in their life did they believe that Mike and Leo would come to blows "What you want me to get on my knees in grovel is that it?!"12-year-old Mikey snapped, Leo's eyes narrowed "I want you to take more responsibility!" _

_Blue eyes narrowed and all emotions left, youthful face went blank and the next thing he knew, Leo was on his shell one of his katanas pressed against his throat and his little brother above him. Stunned air floated bout, until the blade was lifted "MIKEY NO!" _

Leo jumped when Raph sat up gasping, throwing himself out of the terrible memory, he followed the other gaze to the entrance and his eyes widen mouth opening and closing in shock, "M-Mikey?" he said softly. Said turtle limped pass them stopping only for a moment to glance at his shocked older brothers before continuing on to Don's lab.

"Donnie" Don whirled his chair around to face the familiar voice, he gasped at what he saw jumping the current item in his hand, "Mikey what happened!?" he exclaimed just as the other two turtles entered, Mikey didn't say anything just went, sat on the examining table and waited.

Don quickly got over his shock, he hurried over to his little brother, giving orders to Leo and Raph as he went over the damage, skin was cut, some so deep you could see the bone, bruises were everywhere even a couple on his brother's head, Don worried that the younger turtle may have an concussion .

His leg looked broken but his wasn't so sure and planned to examine it closer "Mikey how did this happen? Where you attacked?" he asked as Raph and Leo came back with bandages, alcohol and needles. Mikey blinked, and tilted his head, he wouldn't call it an attack per say but his brothers didn't need to know that.

Raph growled when Mikey nodded "Who?" he growled, thumbing the hilt of one of his Sais ready to kill the person who did this to his little brother "Not now Raph" Leo said, Raph glared at him and open his mouth to retort but the sound of the tapping of cane on floor made him close it.

"What is going on in here, has Michelangelo re—!?" Mikey looked at him for a moment before back at his brainy brother, "My son!"

Mikey flinched when Splinter came close but said nothing "What has happen?" Splinter asked " Mikey was attacked" Leo said, Splinter waited for more when he didn't get any other explanation he turned to his youngest son who was trying to get Don from removing his wrist bands, when blue eyes narrowed Don backed off and went about cleaning the other wounds. "Michelangelo look at me" Mikey didn't.

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**I hope you liked it, **

**Review Please**

**Bye-bye**

**Oh and I do not own TMNT.**


	2. Fine

**Laughter's Black Tears **

Don noticed something about Mikey and was surprised that he didn't notice it before , Mikey never took off his wristbands even when he slept, it first came to mind that night after he patched his brother up and he noted how his brother refused to take them off. He left it alone thinking it was because the younger terrapin was just in a mood, but now he was sure and he wondered why.

So summoning up some courage he approached his little brother who was couch ridden because of his sprained ankle, first he stared, eyes taking in the stitches and bandages, his anger slowly growing when he thought of what his brother had to go through and promised a slow death to the person who hurt his little brother. "You need something Donnie?" said turtle jumped. "Uh no, actually I wanted to ask you something Mikey", Mikey titled his head before making room for the other turtle to sit.

"Now what can the great Mikey do for you dear brother" Mikey asked with a grin, Don was so happy that his younger brother was no longer angry, because then it would make things so much harder not to mention possibly dangerous.

"I've notice that you don't take off your wristbands" the purple clad turtle said, the big happy smile fell a bit and Don instantly knew that he said the wrong thing.

"Yea so, Raph always going at it with his punching bag" Mikey then said, "Raph different. What I mean is, you never take them off" a flicker of annoyance flashed in Mikey's eyes which Don was grateful for, because if those eyes suddenly went blank the purple clad terrapin knew he was in trouble.

That's how it worked when it came to Mikey's anger, when his face would suddenly go blank and his eyes became emotionless they knew that they landed in dangerous waters, it was also made Mikey so dangerous to be around because you couldn't tell what he was going to do keeping them on edge.

Mikey shrugged "So, I just like having them on. Besides I do take them off "Don raised an eye ridge "When?" he asked unconvinced "When I take a shower duh" Don sighed "That's not what I meant" he never got finish for Mikey had left, heading to his rooms.

*************

Hours later Mikey found himself kneeling before Master Splinter, his slightly bruised brothers kneeling behind him, all waiting patiently for the rat that stood before them to what they knew would be a lecture. Splinter sighed and opened his eyes "Michelangelo, I've sensed great anger spark in you from time to time for many years" he said, the youngest said nothing.

"I've said nothing, because it was not a norm for you like your brother, and I know everyone gets angry at times" Mikey shifted quickly becoming bored, this meeting was useless, nothing was wrong with him, he was fine. "I had also hoped that you would find the solution to you anger, I was wrong".

"Sensei you don't need to worry, nothing wrong with me" a snort from behind, Mikey glared over his shoulder at his brothers ," I find that hard to believe my son" Splinter said gaining the turtle's attention , Mikey shrugged "Believe what you want" Splinter raised a furry bow at the slight tone of defiance in the terrapin's voice but said nothing about, there was more important things at hand.

" Your brother has told me that you tried to cut yourself" Mikey's eyes flashed with anger ,annoyance …and something else, it was so quick that he didn't see it. " Oh for the love of—I wasn't trying to cut myself, I was just staring at the goddamn thing!"

"Michelangelo!"

"And if Donnie keeps staring at me at me, that knife is going straight through his head!" Don flinched at the venom in his brother's voice and knew if Mikey got angry enough he'd do it/

WHAM!

Mikey yelped and rubbed the knot on his head, while Splinter lowered his cane. "You will never threaten Donatello or any of your brothers like that, is that clear?!" Mikey's eyes narrowed and his body tensed, the three older turtles worried that he was going to attack the elder rat.

"Is that clear?!" Splinter repeated, his tail flickering, showing how quickly his patients was leaving him. Defiant blue eyes stared into dark brown, the air around them turned dangerous. Finally, Mikey looked away "Yes. Master Splinter" he mumbled, then got up and left.

Splinter sighed tiredly before turning to his remain sons, "Do not take what your brother said to heart Donatello" he said "anger makes you say things you never mean"

"Yes Sensei"

It still hurt, to have your brother say those words with so much hate.

"For now, I think its best if we give your brother some space for a while".

***********

Mikey entered the now destoryed kitchen, "_Nothing wrong with me, I'm fine._" he thought rubbing his wristbands.

"I'm fine"

The gleaming knife on the floor, sprinkled with blood told another story.

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**Go Chapter 2!!**

**R&R**

**Bye-bye!!**

**P.S. Do not own Tmnt, sad is my world T T.**


	3. Lair Lair pants on fire

**Laughter's Black Tears **

For weeks now, Mikey's anger had yet to subsided, the four family members wondered what could possibly make the youngest like this, and concluded that it was some thing outside the lair, at least that what they thought.

Meditation was always easy for him, he could do it as well as Leo and Master Splinter expect when he was hungry and now, he was restless, he wanted to spar like his brothers, but Master Splinter insisted that he meditated to find the source of his anger. Of course it could be that the last time he sparred with his brothers while angry one of them landed being bed ridden for two weeks, but he wasn't angry just annoyed. Apparently they didn't believe him, with a sigh Mikey opened his eyes just as Don was pinned "_He always leans_ _with his left, so predictable."_ He thought "_he needs to stop that_"

"Donatello, you must not lean with your left" Splinter instructed, Mikey snickered "Do you fins something amusing my son?" Mikey kept quiet. Next was Raph and Leo, Splinter singled them to begin, "Can I go next?" Mikey asked after five minutes, "No my son" Mikey huffed, "Oh come on, I've been doing meditation for four days now! I need to do something!". Splinter could see the pleading in his son's eyes but he could also still sense the anger deep within the turtle, "No, perhaps tomorrow" Mikey huffed and pouted. " Do not make that face"

The two resumed watching the two eldest.

"Are you afraid of me?"

Splinter's ear twitched, for a few moments he said nothing, "No" he answered

"Are you afraid I'd hurt them again?"

"That is not it either"

"Then what is it? I'm not angry anymore so what the big deal is?"

"You are, now be quiet and stop being childish. I do not have time to play you're games"

Mikey felt his anger boil, he was not being childish. He was asking a simple question and it was being avoided! What's childish about that!?

"I'm not the one avoiding the question, if anyone being childish its you"

"Ten flips now!"

"No, not until you tell me why!"

"I have already answered your question!"

"The hell you did, you avoided the damn question!"  
"Michelangelo I said ten flips now, do as you're told"

"Not until you tell me, and stop being an ass!"

The sound of hand against flesh echoed through the shocked room, slowly Mikey touched his bruised cheek, his wide eyes stared at his shocked father as though he could not believe what had just happened. Splinter on the other hand stared at his hand in disbelief, never had hit any of his sons out of frustration and angry. A growl was his only warning before a green fist came in contact with his jaw.

"Mikey wait!"

"Master Splinter are you alright?" Leo asked as him and Don helped up their father "Yes, where is Michelangelo?" the rat asked "He ran out, Raph went to go get him"

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**He needed to get away, he couldn't stay here.**

"Mikey!" blue eyes glared at the emerald green hand that wrapped around his wrist. "Let go" he said softly.

**He couldn't stay here, he needed his release, he needed his…freedom. **

"Listen, what happen back there was an accident"

**He didn't want to listen, because it was no accident **

"I said let go"

"Don't leave"

"_Don't look at me like that" _

"LET ME GO!"

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**Short I know, don't worry it'll get longer. Thry always do.**

**Anywho **

**R&R **

**Bye-bye **

**P.s. do not own tmnt**


	4. My friend Anthony

**Warnings: Mentions of Drug use, and male Xmale lovin. No sex though, hell no kissing either .in this chapter.**

**If you don't like this stuff then leave, I ain't stoping ya. **

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**Laughter's Black Tears **

Anthony stared at the gun in his hands, it would be so easy. He just had to pull the trigger and end it all, yet he couldn't, every time he would take this metal grim ripper, determine to end everything and never could. Why? What was stopping him? Years ago he had done it several times with a knife or drugs, being brought back to life by his lover. So why couldn't he do it now? Was he afraid?

"You know if you stare at it any harder you might succeed in making it move" Anthony jumped before glaring at the turtle outside his window, a light cigarette in one hand, from the scent the red-head could tell it was Cocaine.

"Damn it Mikey how many times do I have to tell ya, don't sneak up on me like that!" Mikey smirked before fully entering the house. " Can't be helped, it's all part of the whole ninja thing" Anthony rolled his eyes before putting the gun down next the mattress that laid on the floor, he then moved to give the turtle room to lay down.

" Your peoples finally got on your nerves?" he asked. Mikey laid on the mattress and took a drag from his cigarette, blue eyes stared at the ceiling, Anthony took that as a 'yes' "Whatever just don't use up all 'treats'" by treats, he meant the box full of all kinds of alcohol and drugs in the corner of the room.

Mikey nodded as he continued to stare at the ceiling, wondering how long he should stay here before going back to face judgment, now that he was away from the lair and had a few treats from his own personal stash. He was clam now, his anger was no longer boiling over.

"_I hit sensei"_ somehow those thoughts didn't bring sorrow into his heart like he thought it would, nor did he feel anger. He felt nothing and that bothered him. Blue eyes moved from the ceiling to the box of treats in the corner, body and mind readying themselves for a blissful evening.

*****************

Weeks later the door to the rundown apartment swung open, a handsome older man stepped through, wrinkling his nose at the strong stench of alcohol and vomit. He looked around, the apartment wasn't very big, it had only two rooms and that was the bathroom and the kitchen, in the middle for what would be the living room was a large beat up old mattress which had two bodies sprawled on it.

With a shake of his head and a sigh he made his way over, stepping over bottles, needles and puddles of vomit, " Anthony" he said softly, shaking the youth awake "Go away" the youth groaned slapping the hand away, the man gave an annoyed glare at his lover.

SMACK!

Anthony yelped and jumped up, he rubbed his stinging bottom while glaring at his lover "Mathew! What the fuck was that for!?" Mathew didn't answer he was busy waking the slipping turtle next to him. "Hey I'm talking to you! Look at me damn it!" Mathew paused in his attempts at waking the stubborn turtle and looked at his lover, skinny frame, pale unhealthy skin, dirty red hair and hunted green eyes, nothing like the beautiful boy he met years ago.

"You lied to me Anthony" he then said, deep voice cold and disapproving , Anthony flinched but didn't back down " I did try, but those stupid doctors didn't help. Always following me around, asking me questions every damn minute. I hated that place, so I left" "You know that's not how things work," Mathew said with a sigh "you can't keep running" Anthony mumbled a whatever and got up to go to the bathroom, tripping over bottles in the process.

"7 in the morning and you're already causing trouble" came the sleepy voice of Mikey, Mathew raised a brow "the same goes to you as well Mikey" Mikey frowned, " I'm not running from anything" he then said " Then why are you so angry with yourself?" "Who said I was anger with myself" Mathew gave a small smile "It's rather obvious" "I'm not" Mathew could see the anger boiling in the turtle's eyes.

"Mat, stop harassing Mike or I'll kick you out" came Anthony's voice from the bathroom, Mikey snickered knowing his friend would before standing up and heading to the kitchen, Mathew stayed behind to clean up, he didn't even bother with the box. He learned look ago that trying to get rid of the two treats was impossible, "What the hell you doin here any way?" Anthony asked coming out the bathroom.

"Our deal" Mathew stated, Anthony blinked causing the older man to sigh. " Remember weeks ago, we agreed that if you stayed at the Center for more than four days , you wouldn't have to stay with me" Anthony paled a little as he suddenly remembered the conversation the two had at the diner, not far from here, " You only lasted three".

"No!"

"Anthony"

"No, I'm not going back there!"

"You won't have to, we'll stay somewhere else" Anthony shook his head, he didn't want to leave. This apartment although small and rundown was a safe haven for him and Mikey. "We made a deal" Mathew's voice indicating that there was no room for arguments and that his word was final, "Now get your things"

"No!"

From the kitchen doorway, Mikey watched, he didn't say anything when Anthony started screaming nor did he move when Mathew carried the young man out the door, he didn't do anything because this was normal, and he also knew that Anthony would be back.

***********

"Enter"

Mikey kneeled before his father, head bowed. Silence fell between the two, the meditation candles's light flickered causing shadows

to dance on the walls.

"I'm sorry Master Splinter" Mikey finally said, "No, my son. You don't need to apologize, it's me who should apologize" Splinter said, " You were right, I was being childish in avoiding your questions" Splinter stood "and I did lied, I am afraid. But not of you but for you" Mikey tensed when a hand placed itself on his head.

"Your anger now burns so brightly, that I fear it will never go out, and one day that fire will consume you". It wasn't his anger that worried him, it was when he didn't feel anger like he should was what bothered him.

Splinter sighed sadly, his ears pinned back as he sensed his son's anger burst, he felt helpless. He couldn't do a thing for is youngest, and that hit him more than a punch to the jaw.

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**Mikey doing drugs! What is going on in that green head of his?!**

**The only why to find out is to keep reading!**

**Review please!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT, which is proably a good thing for Mikey ^^;**


	5. Are you really fine?

**Well here Chapter 5. Thanks for the reviews**

**Warnings: Some curssing and mentions of drugs use annnnddd thats about it. **

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**Laughter's Black Tears **

Anthony came back two weeks later, "Man Mike, you don't know how much I've missed this" the red-head said, before downing a bottle of vodka. "Mathew had me under 24/7 lock down, couldn't even take a piss without him watching me. Which was creepy by the way" Mikey laughed, really hard.

Anthony wondered if the joint his green friend was smoking was the reason, but threw that notion out the window, it was probably because of his mutant blood, but many drugs and alcohol didn't have an effect on the young terrapin like it did on humans, unless Mikey took in extremely large doses, which Anthony considered lucky, because the terrapin could get away with it, the only drug they had to worry about was LSD, which Mikey avoided mostly.

"Sounded like fun" Anthony snorted "Yea will it got boring real quickly, so I drugged his coffee and got the hell out of there", Anthony tossed the now empty bottle on the floor with three others and got another one, already he could feel the buzz. "I've lost count how many times you've ran off on that man" Mikey said with a giggle, Anthony briefly wondered how much his friend had before opening his bottle.

" I wonder why he bothers sometimes" Anthony paused and lowered his bottle, "I asked him that once, well screamed it actually" he said softly caressing the top of the bottle, Mikey looked away from staring at the ceiling and at his friend who had a bitter smile on his face "And he said it's because he loves me".

Mikey blinked, love? "Well sucks to be him!" Anthony then proceeded to loss himself in his vodka. Mikey watched him, before looking at the window, his mind wrapped around the one word,

Love.

***************

Mikey had skipped practice, it was a shock. No one, not even the brave and strong Raphael dared skip practice, it was just suicidal, and none wish to face the wrath of Splinter. Wisely the three elder turtles stayed clear of their Sensei who waited for his youngest to return, he didn't.

Anthony was getting slightly worried about Mikey, his friend had been going none stop for a week now, and this itself was not unusual but it was the amounts consumed and used that was. Anthony knew the only time Mikey did this was when something was really really bothering him or made him extremely anger, the last time this happen Mikey tried to take his own life.

Mathew had stopped him, Anthony had just watched then, planning on following if his friend if he had succeeded, but now he wasn't so sure, he wondered if it was what Mathew had said to him when he stayed at the house.

" Mike, maybe you should take a break" the red-head said, Mikey just smiled " I'm fine" he said with a giggle, then suddenly the turtle stumbled to the bathroom, seconds later vomiting was heard. "Really?" Suddenly this place didn't feel so special.

**********

Months later at 2 in the morning, Mathew climbed the old rickety stairs to the third floor, he walked down the hall until he came to the door of apartment 315, he pushed the unlocked door open and stared at the sight before him. Anthony was kneeling next to the old torn mattress, it was soaked with blood. On it laid Mikey, and Anthony was crying.

"What happen?"

Anthony turned to him, "M-Mikey" he said, as the man came towards them. Mathew lifted the wrists and examined them, cursing when he saw how deep the cuts were. Quickly he took hold of the blooded sheet and tore them, he then pressed them to the cut skin.

"Anthony, Anthony!" the young man jumped, his frighten green eyes looked at him. "Did Mikey bring his shellcell?" Anthony nodded, the turtle always brought it with him after he destroyed the tracker. "Okay, call his brothers" Mathew cursed himself for forgetting his kit, "But—"

"NOW!"

****************

**RING!**

"WAHH!"

**RING!**

Don lowered his Bo when he realized that it was his phone and not giant toasters of doom attacking him, his eyes widen when it showed that it was Mikey, he answered it before the third ring.

"Mikey?"

"Donatello?"

"…Who this?"

"Uh, my name Anthony. I'm a friend of Mikey, a-and he hurt real badly"

Don went numb for a moment, Mikey was hurt!

"What happen?"

"I-I-I can't, please he losing a lot of blood!"

"It's okay" his voice although calm, inside he was just as panicky as Anthony. Mikey was losing blood, meaning he was dying. Don erased the theory from his head as quickly it came and focused on another task.

"Where are you"  
"….."

"Anthony, you still there?"

"I---"  
A voice shouted in the background, then more silence. Don became a little panicky, and then Anthony spoke.

*******

Diming blue eyes stared back into the dark eyes that have brought him back from death several times, " Mikey don't you dare die" Mathew growled as he applied more pressure on the bleeding wrists, "don't you dare break your promise". Anthony hung up the phone and clinched it tightly, "He coming?" Mathew nodded.

"Put pressure on his other wrist, we need to make sure he stays awake" Anthony nodded and did as he was told. Mathew looked at him, "Did you---?" Anthony shook his head. "No".

Tense minutes ticked by, Mathew and Anthony talking keeping Mikey alive. "Hello" two heads turned to the window, "Mikey!" The olive colored turtle kneeled next to his barely conscious brother, "He cut his wrists, the cuts are very deep" Mathew explained, Don nodded to shaken to speak. Mikey did to himself? Why?

"The bleeding had nearly stopped, but he lost so much blood he gonna need a transfer" Don nodded again and set to work thanking the higher beings that he was always prepared and that both him and Mike had the same blood type. "Mikey" said Anthony as Mathew helped Don "Your brother here and he going to make you better" Mikey just stared.

"Anthony you need to move" the red-head reluctantly stood aside, allowing the two to work, to save Mikey. He moved to a corner close enough to what was going on, but far enough not to be in the way. Hours went by, twice they had nearly lost Mike, but in the end the younger was going to live.

Leo was aroused from his sleep by his phone, "Hello?" he answered sleepily, curious as to why Don was calling him, wasn't he in his room or in his lab.

"Leo"

"Don, where are you?"

There was hesitation

"I'm with Mikey"

Now he was awake, his brother who was missing for months was found!

"Mikey?! You found him!? How is he?! Is he hurt?! Where are you?!"

"Leo calm down!"

"Sorry"

"Its okay, anyway we'll be back tomorrow"

Tomorrow? Why tomorrow?

"Don what's going on? Where are you?"

"Bye Leo"

Don hung up.

********

Don moved over to Mikey who they had moved to the spare mattress Anthony had-the old worn was soaked in blood-, after hanging up, his breathing was deep, telling the genius that he was alive, that soon he was going to wake. Brown eyes moved to the stitched wrists, to the old scars.

"Why Mikey?" he thought, eyes burning with tears, a hand placed itself on his shoulder. "You need to rest" Mathew said "Mikey---" "I'll watch him" Don frowned he didn't want to sleep, in fact he didn't need it, he wanted to make sure his brother was alright…physical.

"Don't make me knock you out, you gave a lot of blood you need rest. If anything happens I'll wake you", reluctantly Donnie nodded and laid next to the mattress, Mathew covered him with a sheet then covered Anthony who slept on the other side, " Thank you" Don yawned and drifted off to sleep.

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**Well here you go, thanks for the reviews, I'm glad that everyone likes it I was a little worried about anyway**

**Review Please!**

**Bye-bye!**

**P.S. I do not own TMNT, lucky for Mikey. **


	6. Missing Death

**Laughter's Black Tears**

What do you do when the person you care about tried to take their own life? What do you say when you learn that the smiles and laughs were all lies? What do you feel as you stare at the person before you, who stared back with a look if indifference? Sorrow? Anger? Confusion? Pity? Or maybe all.

Questions fill your head, like why? How long? how could I have prevented this? And was it my fault? So many thoughts and feelings and the only person who could help is the one broken before you.

Mikey stared at his stitched wrists, before turning them, he gazed upon his scars. The constant reminder of what he was to his family. He remembered the day he craved the words into his skin, how much pain he felt, the shiver that ran through him at the caress of the cool blade. He remembered Anthony's drugged eyes staring down at them, he remembered his empty laughter.

He looked up when there was a knock on his doorway, Mikey briefly wondered why Don even bothered to knock, seeing as how they had unscrewed and took his door. Leo and Raph were with him, Leo had carried a box "_The inspection_" the younger turtle thought, it was one of the new rules placed on him, the others were.

He was to be under strict 24/7 watch.

All alcoholic drinks, medication, knives and other sharp objects were to be locked up.

His door was to be removed, so they could see what he was doing.

His room was to be inspected and all items they deemed dangerous were to be removed.

Mikey moved out of his brothers' way, watching as they searched every nook and cranny, taking in small glee as his imagined the look of bewilderment on his brother's faces when they realize they couldn't find what they were looking for "_Do they really_ _think I'm dumb enough to have drugs and alcohol in a lair full of ninjas?"_ he thought with a little smile.

"Wha the fucks are you smilin for?" asked Raph who noticed the smile. Mikey's smile grow wider knowing it would upset his hotheaded brother more , sure enough Raph's eyes narrowed and he growled. Mikey said not a word and kept on smiling, clearing enjoying the game he was playing.

Donnie was quickly becoming befuddled and a little annoyed when he found nothing but another colored pencil, it was going on two hours now. He was beginning to think there was nothing worth finding. "Will you fuckin stop smilin already!"

Both turtles turned to their siblings, Raph looked ready to hit the younger. "He just playing with you Raph" Leo sighed, "Besides I don't think there anything here" Don said as he stood up. Leo looked surprised, "Are you sure Donnie?" Don nodded "And Mikey's knows it" Mikey's smile grew wider.

Don pondered his brother's behavior, from what he researched he was expected his little brother to be unreasonable and violent, but Michelangelo was calm, cooperative and amused. "_He thought this through_" the purple clad turtle thought with surprise, a yelp startled him out of his thoughts, Raph had punched Mikey in the jaw sending the younger to the floor.

"Raphael!"

"What?! He needed it! Just standing there smiling and taking everything as a joke!"

"That doesn't give you the reason to hit him, he injured!"

"And who damn fault is that?!"

Raph looked back at his fallen brother who sat there on the floor, looking at him the smile still there but not in his eyes, golden eyes traveled lower to the wrists and to the words, with a disgusted sneer he stomped off.

Leo sighed before looking at the source of the unbalanced emotions that plagued their home, his eyes too landed on the damaged skin. His mind remembering what had occurred five days ago.

_FLASHBACK_

_Leo felt relief wash over him when he heard the lair door opening, he quickly made his way over. Raph and Splinter was already there, standing before them was Don and Mikey, the younger was leaning against his for support. Blue eyes dull and tired, but what got the families' attention was the what on the younger's wrists, craved on both the left and the right were the words, No one and Useless. _

"_M-My son"_

_Mikey looked at him and laughed._

*********

Mikey had scratched open his stitches, Don redid them and bandage them up, and after threatening to case them and tie him down, set Mikey on his way under the watch of Leo.

In the dojo, Raph was beating the crap out of his punching bag, letting his anger be released. "Raphael" the red clad turtle sighed and turned to the age rat. "Whatever ya going say ain't going to make me apologize" the red clad turtle said, "I don't expect you to" Raph blinked "You don't?".

Splinter shook his head "No I don't, I can understand your anger and frustration. I too blame myself for what has happen" Raph shook his head "Why him Masta? I mean what did we do to make him like this?" " I do not know, but although I don't expect you to apologize, I want you to be there for your brother, he needs you" Raph sighed, and Splinter patted his arm.

**************

Mikey pouted at his bandages, remaining Leo of what his brother use to be. "Don't even think about it" the elder turtle said, Mikey looked away and instead stared at the ceiling. Minutes ticked by neither said a word, Mikey tilted his head to the side and Leo wondered what was fascinating about the patchy ceiling.

"There no bright light"

"What?"

"They say when you die there a bright light at the end of the tunnel, there was no light"

"Oh"

" Everytime I die, there was nothing but darkness and emptiness"

Leo wasn't sure what disturbed him more, the way his brother talked about death so calmly or the wistful look in those blue eyes.

"I miss it"

* * *

**Go Chapter 6, Mikey starting to worry me a little. **

**Thanks for the reviews! ^^**

**Review again please!  
**

**Bye-bye!**

**P.s. I do not own TMNT. **


	7. A Friend's Word

**Laughter's Black Tears **

Anthony and Mathew came over two weeks later, actually Don brought them. The purple clad turtle decided the best way to help their brother was to find out the source and since Mathew and Anthony seem to know Mikey he knew they could help. The younger turtle and red-head human disappeared into the younger's room, where the others stayed away from for now.

Mathew told them everything, from how he knew Anthony since the boy was a baby, how Anthony always spent his time over his house following the older man everywhere like a lost puppy, and as they grew older so did their relationship. The two became an couple, Anthony was twelve and Mathew was seventeen, he told them that after a couple of months he noticed a few differences about Anthony, how he became moody, sickly pale and was quickly losing weight and by the time he found out it was to late the damage had been done.

He remembered how he felt for failing his love, he remembered the pain when he saw for the first time the still body of the one he was promised to defend, how lost he felt when Anthony had disappeared, how bewildered he was when he first met Mikey after finding the boy. He remembered all the emotions he went through to save his younger lover and his green lost friend.

************

"You look like shit" Anthony said when they entered the room, Mikey chuckled "Missed you too" Anthony flopped on the bed while Mikey went through his comic book collection, looking for something to read. "We should have had this bed at the place" Anthony said, snuggling into the sheets. "I'll remember that next time" Anthony tensed.

"There might not be a next time"

"Your old geezer final went through his threat of tearing the place down?"

"Sort of" Mikey heard the uncertainty in his friends voice.

"What's wrong?"

"I think there something wrong with me" Mikey smiled at that "You now just figuring that out?"

"That's not what I meant, what I mean is I ...don't think I want to die anymore"

Mikey froze and Anthony waited in anticipation, "Why?" it was spoken so low that he barely heard it.

"Mathew"

"Figures"

"He loves me. You know that, and now that I 'm not high as a cloud I realize I want him to keep loving me. To hold me, comfort me, make love to me"

When the two humans began their relationship, they did nothing but little pecks and cuddling. Mathew wanted to wait until Anthony was of age before taking the relationship to the relationship to the next level, but with the drugs and everything that was delayed.

"He hurt you before"

"Sometimes you have to hurt"

Silence fell between the, both staring at each other, reading each other.

"You really want this?"

"Yes"

"Then who am I to stop you"

"Mike"  
"I wish you the best"

"I want to help you too"

"Nothing wrong with me"

"Do you really believe that? That you're fine? Do you really believe that of your family? That they don't love you"

"Yes"

"They do, why else would they be doing this? They love and care about you Michelangelo"

"They love the fake Michelangelo!"

Anthony sighed, not at all fazed by the outburst; he sat up and got out of bed. Stopping in the doorway he looked at his friend once more, "Talk to them" and left. The next day Mikey carved a new word into his skin.

Loveless.

* * *

**Wow two chapters in one night! I'm good. We're getting closer to the end, and maybe a BIG scene, Depending on how the next chapter goes. **

**And yes I know both were short, sorry about that, but sometimes short is good. **

**Reveiw Please**

**Bye-bye ^^**

**P.S. I do not own TMNT. **


	8. Laughter's Story

**Laughter's Black Tears**

Leonardo was confused and shocked, he couldn't understand it, refuse to understand it. Mikey, his baby brother didn't think they loved him, what had they done; what had they said to make his brother believe such a thing. That's why they were here at the farm house, just the four of them.

"To heal the broken bond" Splinter had said, but how to do that when Mike refuse to speak or be in the same room with them.

Mikey rolled over in the pile of hay he found in the barn house, his thoughts deep. He had spoken to Anthony before they came here, he had listen to his friend, heard his words and now he was preparing himself for that big step that all lost souls took, which was why he avoided his brothers for a while.

He needed to think, to make sure he was ready. With a sigh he stood and dusted off some hay, he would speak with his brothers, tell them and let them decide the future.

All three were eating lunch in the living room; they stopped their conversation-he was sure it was about him- and looked when he entered.

"Hey Mike" Don said with a smile, "You hungry?" The young turtle shook his head "No" he said softly surprising them. "I –I want to tell you a story".

***********

Once upon a time, there were four brothers, Courage, Strength, Intelligence and Laughter. Laughter was different from his three brothers, because Laughter wasn't always what he was, there was a time when Laughter wanted to be like his brothers, until he saw them grow up, first it was Courage then Intelligent and finally Strength.

The four brothers were no longer close, and Laughter didn't like it. He saw his brothers sinking into a world that he knew they could never leave, and he didn't want that. He didn't want to loss his brothers, at first he tried to be like them.

Yet when he tried to be like Courage he was pushed to the point of nearly breaking by a jealous brother. When he tried to be like Intelligence he was teased and belittled, and when he tried to be like Strength he was shut out and ignored.

Then Laughter found a role that made his brothers happy, the role of a jokester, a child and soon he became lost in that role. So lost that when he tired to find himself he couldn't, soon Laughter became frustrated and depressed. As hard as he tried Laughter couldn't find the person he once was, he tried many ways, none worked.

One night alone in his hideout known to none but him, Laughter made a friend. Someone just as lost as he was. Laughter's new friend introduced him to a new world, a world of drugs, self-abuse, alcohol, and …suicide, he let himself be lost in the illusion those things gave him, letting his anger and depression grew.

Once he considered killing his brothers, he blamed them for what he had become, because they refused to accept what he was. It would be so easy, they never would suspect him, the jokester the child, he never did.

For seventeen years this went on, Laughter hiding his secrets behind a lying smile, fooling his family and forever falling into his own bottomless world.

He often wondered why he gave himself this role, this pain all those years ago and always came up with the same conclusion, for his brothers.

*********

The three sat three long after their brother had left, the youngest's story still playing in their heads. Were they really that horrid to the brother? Were they really that closed minded that he couldn't even be himself? and why couldn't they see it?

"We fucked up"

Leo didn't even bother scowling him because he was right, they did fuck up, and now the question was how to make it right, and was it to late.

* * *

**Here Chapter 8. **

**Thanks for all the reviews! **

**Review Please. **

**Bye-bye**

**P.s. Do not own TMNT. **


	9. Can you cross that line?

**Disclaimer: I do no own TMNT.**

**I changed the last part of this chapter. Thanks to Emily, whose comment made me rethink it, and made me ****relieze that it would go with the Sequel/Prquel I'm working and so I changed it.**** Nothing to big, but read it just in case. **

**Thanks!!!**

* * *

**Laughter's Black Tears**

Two weeks found his brothers kneeling before him, it was confusing. Why where they at his feet, head bowed?

"What are you doing?" he asked, Leo looked up, and he became more confused and weary of the emotions he saw. Why did his brother look like that? "Mikey", why did his brother sound like that? Sound so broken and sorrowful.

"We're sorry"

Blue eyes blinked, they were sorry? He almost laughed at such a thought.

"That word been said before" the replay was deadly cold, and so very true. It has been said before, over and over.

They teased him, belittled him, and when they hurt him they apologized, promising to never do it again, but then history repeats itself.

Don looked up this time, "We know" he said, "And we know there's nothing we can do to take it all back"

"Then why bother?"

They flinched this time and when Mikey didn't get an answer he left leaving his brothers by themselves.

***********

The next day, Raphael accompanied Mikey on his now routine walk in the woods, neither spoke, the youngest keeping a distance from the oldest. When they got to a clearing, they stopped for a breather.

Mikey squatted down near the water's edge, his fingers played in the cool water. He glanced at his brother, golden eyes watching, waiting, hoping. Mike sighed and resumed his task of playing.

"You know we never meant to hurt ya, specially me"

Mikey sighed again "Hard to believe"

Raph didn't comment

"Why didn't say anything"

"Why didn't you see, you say I'm always easy to read, so predictably"

Raph couldn't argue what was true.

"I'm sorry Mike"

Mike turned to him

"I almost believe you big brother"

He didn't

*************

It was easy to figure out what his brothers were doing, they were trying to get his forgiveness, to make it all better. To clear their guilt, it was disgusting to the young turtle.

"_Isn't it what you want?"_

Mikey pondered, was that what he wanted from his brothers? He shook his head, no it wasn't.

"_Then what is it that you want?"_

Mikey shook his head for he did not know.

**********

Don wasn't surprised to find him passed out in the barn bottles of alcohol surrounding him, nor that he found a way to get access to said alcohol, he wasn't surprised by the tears that fell from his eyes, or when he gathered his sleeping little brother in his arms and curled up beside him. He was surprised when arms wrapped around him and held close, whispering in the dark.

"Don't cry

***********

Leo was never the one to lose his temper with his brothers-Raph was the exception- nor was he one to get physical violent with them –again Raph was the exception-, they all knew this. So it was understandable for his brother to look at him with wide shocked eyes, the cheek where it had been hit was slowly turning purplish black.

"You hit me"

The words were spoken so soft

"Mikey I—"

He didn't know what to say, he hadn't meant to. When he had seen his little brother drinking with smile on his face, all the emotions he had felt these pass months just exploded and he lashed out.

Leo reached to touch his brother, to comfort him, Mikey took a step back away from that hand.

"Mikey please"

He didn't want his brother to step away from him, didn't want to break the slowly mending bond that was reforming.

"I'm so sorry"

Mikey walked away.

************

"He an idiot"

Don sighed

"I know, we already told me. Well Raph yelled it actually" Mathew chuckled echoed from the other side of the phone line.

"Where Mikey now?"

"Upstairs, Raph with him"

Mathew didn't say anything

"We messed up big"

"Yes you did, now fix it?"

"How? Everything time we take one step forward we move one step back!"

"Well that will happen, but you have to stay strong"

"I don't think we can for much longer, not to mention we're all out of ideas"

Don sighed

"We're all just so tired"

There was some shouting in the background on Mathew's line, it sounded like Anthony

"Their brothers Anthony"

Some more shouting then a sigh

"Don? Its' me Anthony. There may but one other thing that may actual work"

"This coming from a four year junkie?"

He knew it was low, but part of him blamed the red-headed human for what happen to his brother

"I'll pretend you didn't say that, now listen Mathew did this with me and it helped maybe if all three of you do it with Mikey then it might work with him too, but the question is can you cross that line?"

"…….What is it?"

***************

The two stared in shock and disbelief at their brainy brother. "Are you serious?" Raph finally asked, Don nodded

"But we're brothers" Leo said, "we can't do that to him!"

"I know, but we're really running out of ideas"

"But---"

"Mikey thinks we hate him, that we don't love him. He needs to know that we do love him, that we want him around, that we won't leave him, but every time we try to show him he pulls away, hiding from us. This can't go on" Don sighed at the looks he received from his brothers, he knew it wasn't going to be easy, he wasn't really comfortable with the idea either.

It took Anthony several hours to convince both him and Mathew to go with the idea, "Sometimes" Anthony had said "A person needs to feel love to know love" and while he could see the logic in it, it was still….a little wrong to do that to him, then Anthony said something that convinced him.

"You know, Mikey always talked about you guys, even when we were high or drunk, about how great you all are, and how he was always causing problems so you guys could shine, how he pulled pranks so you guys wouldn't stay focused on the darker things in life. I can still see how his eyes would light up when he told me how happy he made you guys when he did something stupid and you all would laugh at him"

Don had stayed quiet listening with a heavy heart as one of Michelangelo greatest secrets were being told.

"I remembering saying, "_you really love your brothers, to go through something like that just for them" _and when he put that knife to his heart I asked _"if you'd died, wouldn't they miss you?" _he then smiled at me and said _"that would make them very happy". _So tell me Don, would you be happy?"

That had made his decision right then and there, but what about his other brothers? He was pretty sure he could convince Raph, no problem. It was Leo he was a worried about.

"Guys, what other choice do we have? Every day we keep losing him more and more. I don't know about you but I don't want lose my brother". He said.

Leo knew that Anthony and Mathew were just trying to help, and yes, they were desperate, but could they do that? Could they step over that line?

* * *

**Review Please!!**


	10. Healing

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT**

**Please Read Prevous Chapter Note!!**

**In this chapter in each scene with Mikey, a few days go bye. Just something to keep in mind when you read this.**

**

* * *

****Laughter's Black Tears**

The door was locked, and it wasn't opening. He looked around his room, it was empty everything was gone; expect for the mattress that laid on the floor _"How **drunk **was I last night?" _seriously if he did even hear them move stuff in and out of his room he must of been **really** plaster, he wondered what his brothers were up to.

With a sigh he headed to the window, to find it bared and locked, with a annoyed growl he kicked the wall and flopped down on the floor.

"_So much for getting high today" _

He then noticed a tray of food next to the mattress; he looked at it, cereal. By the time noon came, the cereal was untouched and soggy.

**************

The door was still locked, as was the window, and the bars were still there. He tried kicking down the door only to find that it had been Mikey- proofed and would not break. So now he sat here on his so called bed, bored.

"_I wonder if they left"_

They didn't. He knew that, or else who would be leaving food, when he fell asleep from boredom.

"_What are they trying to do?"_

"Bore me to death"

*************

"LET ME OUT YOU BASTARDS!"

He banged on the door, kicked it with all his strength. He screamed, he yelled and cursed…no one came in. With a sigh he gave one last punch to the door, before sliding to the floor in exhaustion.

"Let me out" he hated how pathetic he sounded just now.

**********

He throw up, which surprised him a little seeing how he barely ate anything given to him. He stared at the puddle of vomit that he hovered over on his hands and knees, his throat burning, eye watering. His body shivered, he had become cold lately, which was strange being as it was summer. He crawled over to his bed, and with a whimper curled up.

Later that night, he had trouble breathing and his heart was racing. He winced when he heard a loud sound, he looked around but saw nothing.

_Let go!_

He groaned and he looked back up from the corner where he was curled up, before him was him and Mathew, they were struggling over a needle.

_Mikey let it go!_

_NO!_

The turtle shook his head, the vision disappeared and another took its place. Mathew was sitting across from him; Anthony was asleep on the elder man's lap.

_Why?_

_Why what?_

_Why do you do this?_

_It makes them happy_

_Really? What about you?_

_I don't deserve to be happy_

Mikey moaned in pain, as his body shivered, and his stomach flipped and flopped. He couldn't throw up anymore and if he did he was sure he would laugh, and his throat was on fire. Another vision came this one was of his brothers, they were yelling at him.

_Damn it Mikey! Can't you be serious for once!_

_I was--_

_You've could have gotten hurt, what were you thinking!_

_But---_

_This is the last straw Michelangelo!_

_If you would jus---_

_No!_

Blue eyes blinked in surprised as tears fell down his beak. Why was he crying?

"Stop crying"

The tears still fell,

"Stop crying!"

They weren't listening

"Stop crying"

They kept falling.

*************

He woke up in the middle of the night to sounds of footsteps coming to his door; he looked up when they paused.

"_Don't go" _

The footsteps continued on

"_No! Come back don't leave me alone! I don't want to be alone anymore"_

"Please" he whimpered "Come back" tears building up, startling him. He thought he had cried out all of his tears.

"Come back" he begged, "Please" he didn't want to be here anymore, he wanted to go home. He wanted to see his friends again, wanted to see his brothers and father, and he didn't want to be in pain anymore, he couldn't do this. But most importantly he didn't want to be alone.

"Please" he sobbed "don't leave me alone"

The door opened.

*************

It was a risk, they been told and knew this, the possibility of their brother going through dangerous withdrawals and dieing were high. It had been hard these past few days; it took all of their strength and support of each other just to hold on and as they stared at their brother curled up against the red clad turtle, they knew it was worth it.

They were getting their brother back.

* * *

**Here Chapter 10, I hope you enjoyed it. Please tell me what you think I really want to know.**

**Review Please!!**


	11. Laughter

**Here the last chapter ! I hoped you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**Now on with the story!!!**

**

* * *

****Laughter's Black Tears**

A sigh escaped the red head's lips, he snuggled up to his lover, smiling when as arm wrapped around him.

"What's wrong?"

"What makes you think something wrong?"

"You've been sighing all day"

"Have not"

"Have too time 3"

Anthony pouted before pinching the older male

"Ow!"

"Stop whining I didn't do it that hard"

"Yes you did, look it's turning red!"

Anthony rolled his eyes at how childish his lover was being before snuggling back with him, silence fell between the two.

"You think it was a good idea?"

"Pinching me?"

"No! I mean telling Mikey's brothers to lock in a room for a few days"

"Honestly?"

Anthony nodded

"No"

"Thought you'd say that"

"It was a gamble with you, hell it's a gamble with anyone who's like what you and Mikey were. After all it could have made things worse than it already was."

"But it didn't"

"It could have, me locking you in that room was not only a great risk but it tore me"

Anthony hugged Mathew "I'm sorry"

Mathew sighed, he wasn't going to admit, but locking his lover in that room was an act of desperation and anger. At that time he wasn't thinking, he just grabbed the red-head during one of their regular fights and throw him in an empty room in the house and locked him in. Then no matter how much Anthony screamed, yelled and cursed he didn't let the red-head out.

It went on for nearly a month until one day going there to bring the other food, he heard Anthony crying, begging to be let out, begging to go back home, begging for help. Anthony finally had broken down, after that the slowly but surely he was getting his Anthony back; and while he had no illusions that it wasn't a 100% better it was good enough for him.

"You wanna call them?"

Anthony shook his head

"Why?"

"I may not like what I find out"

"You won't know until you call"

***********

Mikey woke up out of the room, he blinked out the blurriness in his eyes. then yawned and stretched, sitting up on the sofa he looked around the living room. The T.V was on and turned down low, covers and pillows were littered all over the floor. Sounds from the kitchen told him his brothers were there,

"_Something different" _

The air, it seemed lighter. Everything did, a loud bang from the kitchen made him jump. Soon he found his feet heading to the kitchen, he stopped in the door way and stared. All three of his older brothers were covered in flour from head to toe, there was smoke coming from the stove and the three turtles were argue over who knew what, to put it short it was chaos; and it was ….funny.

"Ha...Ha…ha..Hahahahahah!"

Eyes turned to the source of the sound, Mikey was leaning against the door way laughing, he was clenching his sides and tears were building up in his eyes. Mikey was laughing, Mikey was…….

laughing.

**The End**

* * *

**That's it!!! And now the Sequel/Prequel thingie!!!!**

**Review Please!!!!**

**I hoped you enjoyed it.**


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